I have always projected happy. Went out of my way to do so, to the point that casual acquaintances, co-workers, even people I’d known very well described me as happy. I can’t tell you how many times folks have said to me, “You are always so happy! I love that!”

The thing is, for much of my life, it wasn’t really true. I projected happy, but often did not feel it. It was something I put on in the morning, like makeup and clothes.

It can be very lonely to seem happy but not feel it. Those compliments cut like a knife.

And then I got saved. Three years ago. And suddenly, I understood joy. I felt joy. And for the first time, happy wasn’t a mask I wore.

Having truth in my feelings also meant that for the first time, I allowed myself not to pretend things were okay when they weren’t. I was honest about how I felt with myself and with others. What freedom!

I don’t fake happy anymore. Couldn’t if I wanted to. But the blessing is, when people remark on my joy – it’s real joy. And that is a blessing that cannot be measured.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  –James 1: 2-4

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  –James 1:16-17

It is so easy to get caught up in the difficulties life brings. Relationships crumble, health fails, success seems just out of reach.

When the hard times fall on us, and they always do, we hear so often, “Lean on the Lord, He will carry you through.” But when your faith is weak, when the road is daunting and long, sometimes it is hard to believe those words to be true. So we rely on our own understanding. We take our problems out on others, or we bottle them up inside like poison.

That is fear.

In the movie Facing the Giants, one wise football coach tells another:

…in God’s Word He said 365 different times, “Do not fear.” Now if He says it that many times, you know He’s serious about it, don’t ya?

Fear is all about me not trusting God.

I was intrigued by that quote, and on a night beset by fear, I decided to search the matter out myself. While I didn’t find every passage on fear, I found quite a few. They’ve helped me. Maybe they’ll help you.

—

Deuteronomy 6:13 – It is the Lord your God you shall fear, Him shall you serve and by His name you shall swear.

Deuteronomy 10:12 – And now Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your own good?

Deuteronomy 31:12 – …that they may hear and learn to fear the Lord your God and be careful to do all the words of this law, and that their children, who have not known it, may hear and learn to fear the Lord your God…

Joshua 24:14 – Now therefore fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerety and faithfulness.

Psalm 2:11 – Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling.

Psalm 19:9 – The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever.

Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 27:1 – The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:3 – Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise against me, yet I will be confident.

Psalm 111:10 – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding.

Proverbs 1:7 – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Proverbs 10:27 – The fear of the Lord prolongs life, but the years of the wicked will be short.

Proverbs 15:33 – The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 19:23 – The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 – Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.

Isaiah 11:3 – His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord.

Isaiah 41:10 – You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strenghen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13 – For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you”.

Matthew 10:26 – So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that it will not be known.

Matthew 10:28 – And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy body and soul in hell.

Luke 12:7 – Why, even the hairs of your head are numbered. Fear not, you are of more value than many sparrows.

2 Corinthians 7:1 – Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.

2 Timothy 1:7 – For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

1 Peter 2:17 – Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.

1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

—

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I fall, I waver.

A few months ago I heard a brilliant sermon by C.J. Mahaney. He gave the most beautiful description of the Lord’s presence in our lives I have ever heard. He said it’s like a man walking down the street with his three-year-old son. The boy can walk, and he’s proud of it. He doesn’t want help, but Daddy is holding his hand anyway. They cross a break in the pavement. For a moment the boy is falling. But he’s not afraid. Why? Because his Daddy is holding his hand. And as the boy falls and his grip fails, Daddy’s grips tightens and pulls the boy back to his feet.

How much more confidence we have in our own eternal Father! He will not let us fall. He will not let go. That gives me joy.

Yes. You should lean on the Lord. And the harder it is to let go and do so, the more you need Him in your life. Trust in the Lord, He has promised to see you through.

The Lord is my Rock. I just have to be smart enough to lean on Him in good times and bad.

—

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

In fact, I have no memory of my fifth grade English class save this note in my yearbook: “To my reader, love, Mrs. Butler”.

I was the person who having picked a book up, could not put it down. Didn’t matter how long the book was, until I was finished, I was completely in its thrall.

Sadly, the real world intruded. College, work, family, work. At some point it stopped being fun. Because I would look at a book and know I couldn’t devote myself to it. That it would take me so many nights of falling asleep after six pages that if I ever finished it, I would no longer remember what had happened in the beginning.

So I read less and less. Even when I worked for five years at Barnes and Noble, where I bought dozens of books and took home dozens and dozens more of stripped and advance copies, I didn’t read. Sure, I tore through Tolkien and devoured Harry Potter, but reading ceased to be a regular part of my life.

Last weekend a dear friend took me to see a movie – The Help. Oh my word, I loved that movie. And the final scenes, with all of those people reading, reading, reading about their lives and their neighbors – I just couldn’t help myself. I had to have that book.

I bought it on my iPhone through iBooks. Really couldn’t touch it until Friday evening, when I knew I could devote some time.

Oh.

Joy.

Reading through dinner. Reading at stop lights. Home, reading until the wee hours, scrunched up by a wall for ages because my battery ran low. Sleep, shopping, reading just a little more in the WalMart parking lot, then home. Read until there was no light in the house save that from my phone. And done.

What a great book. The movie was wonderful. The book is so much more. It really makes you think about the differences between people, and how most of those differences are entirely in our own heads. It makes you think about how little you really know about the people around you – even the ones you consider good friends. We put up walls, and fake smiles, and we hide. That’s a shame.

It is a little funny seeing a modern day white writer try to write in Southern black dialect. More than a few times I had to back away from a sentence, work it through a few times, and say – oh, that’s what she’s trying to say. To the modern day authors: Southern black dialect isn’t racist, it just is what it is. Be honest, and don’t let your New York publisher (or your liberal racist friends) push you around. Find some turn of the century authors and take some lessons. (This applies to Southern dialect in general – not just black. There is a lot of history and richness in that drawl.)

I don’t say this often, but in this case I would recommend you watch the movie, then read the book. They are part and parcel, but dip your feet in and get a feel for Jackson before you start to read. It will truly enrich your reading.

I disagreed with that saying, and I think the actions of the Leftists in power have proven it false exponentially. I don’t even know the numerical term for how many dimes of difference there are – what is the term for $14 trillion worth of dimes???

The tide is changing. A lot of factors played into that, and the steadfastness of the NFRA is one. We were at CPAC this year. I lost count of how many people in the exhibit hall saw us and said, “Look, Republicans!” – and said it with a smile. I must admit, the first few times I was ready to hit the ground, but there wasn’t one negative. Not one.

NFRA stands for something. We stand for conservative Republicans abandoned by Party establishment, laughed at by beltway consultants, and co-opted by “move to the middle” moderates. We stand for the 70% of Republicans who believe in America and in values.

We aren’t astroturf either. We are people on the ground in cities and counties, fighting tooth and nail for the school board, the city council, and the county committee. In some places we have made huge gains. In other places it is hand to hand combat. Every RA is a little different than the next. It’s America, and it’s beautiful.

I love the late evening phone calls, the 3 a.m. emails, and the mad rush to meet deadlines.

Okay, I would like to see the mad rush to meet deadlines ease up just a little.

Mostly, I love the people. Ray and Will battling every day in a state where most people are surprised to hear there are even Republicans. Mark fighting for Life in the heartland. Michael tweeting 24 hours a day about city council. It’s amazing. I could go on and on. There are too many to mention and I know I would leave folks out.

Part of my job as secretary is to connect the dots, to stay in contact with folks across the country. I’m resolved to do that a lot more often in the coming year, because I am always so inspired when I get off the phone. These people are my heros.

We have great leadership. Our president pours his heart into NFRA. Almost everything he does is done with an eye to how it could help NFRA grow and reach more people. Our executive VP is tireless. I have never reached out to him with a question or a problem that he didn’t respond to within hours, if not in minutes. These are people that get things done and who mean what they say. You don’t often get to work with folks like that. I am truly blessed.

We are doing something that matters. We are saving America. I am honored to be a small part of that.

God Bless.

Jennifer

My dreams
finally realized.
A job in the heart and soul,
the very nerve-center of
Godless Liberalism.

Academia.

I had arrived.
I was happy, for a little while.
But something wasn’t right.
It was empty.
The things I had been looking for
the answers
they weren’t there.

It was empty.
I had gone the wrong way.
I finally awoke to the truth.

Now I am alone,
a tiny speck
in a sea of Godless Liberals.

God help me.

This was written January 21, 2009. I was 16 months into my dream job – Archivist at a university. Life had changed. I had changed. Having converted to Christianity and conservatism in the fall, my world was upside down. I was a red speck in a very blue place.

Thank the Lord for His redeeming grace.

Electing principled Republicans to the position of State Attorney General in every single state.

It may be called something slightly different where you live. There may be variations in how that person is put in that position. These are semantics. It is VITAL that we hold that office! Every single one, no matter what it takes.

The same applies at the county and city level.

The position of State Attorney carries unprecedented power, and in the wrong hands is regularly used to ruin lives and end careers. Try this list for starters:

Tom Delay
Tim Pope
Ray Sansom

What do these men have in common? They were men of principle and conviction, attacked and virtually destroyed by Leftists with an agenda and a chip on their shoulder.

As Ray Sansom put it tonight at a speech in Navarre: it didn’t matter that he had done everything right. It didn’t matter that he followed the rules or that the events in question followed procedures that had happened dozens of times without challenge. The only thing that mattered – to the Leftist State Attorney pursuing him in a witch hunt – was the destruction of Ray Sansom and everything he held dear.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking everyone plays fair and follows the rules. They don’t. And the next time, the Left could be coming after you.

It is that time of year again. The seasons are changing, more people are traveling, and it is time to think about reviewing the emergency supplies kept in your vehicle. You know; out with the tire chains, in with the…

As a public service to you, my faithful reader, here are the must have items in my emergency kit:

1. Handy tote bag to keep everything in. The last thing you need is to be retrieving items that are scattered all over the trunk of your car.
2. Bottled water. Always a must have for hydration – for you and the overheated engine.
3. Flip flops. 
4. Bathing suit.
5. Beach towel.
6. Cheap sunglasses.
7. Hair scrunchie.
8. Pithy novel – preferably one you don’t mind getting wet/sandy.
9. Shorts and a t-shirt – for those after work beach walks.
10. Tip: pin a $20 to the inside of your bag for those pit stops at the Crab Trap for tuna dip and a shrimp basket.
11. And last but not least – sunscreen.

Did I mention I live on the beach?

J

Cafe Intermezzo - ATL - Spicy hummus with pita. Honestly, the best thing on the entire plate was the cucumber! Best cucumber I've had in a while, no bitterness at all.

Noon Paneer Sabzi - Kabab Bazaar in Arlington, VA. This is a plate of fresh herbs, in this case curly parsley, cilantro, green onion tops, and radishes; with sliced feta and chopped walnuts. You wrap combinations of that up in warm pita bread and dip in yogurt sauce. Absolutely delicious and a massive bargain at $4.25 - You couldn't buy that much parsley in a store for $4.25! And did I say delicious? Yum!

Persian Ice Cream - also at Kabob Bazaar. Made fresh in the restaurant daily, this ice cream is flavored with rose water, saffron, and studded with pistachios. Incredible treat. Also Yum.

Now if I can just learn to cook the way I like to eat, I’ll have it made.

1.  Will my Dad’s pacemaker/defibrillator work as advertised? Especially since the first one they gave him was recalled and had to be replaced?

Answer: Yes indeed, it did work as advertised. Praise God. Not once, but seven times in succession, that piece of technology worked. Thank you Lord, for allowing us, even in our fallen state, to be co-creators with you. From keeping my Mom’s brain from exploding for 45 years(!), making my Dad’s heart to pump correctly despite itself, allowing me to instantly interact with healthcare providers and family members; the technology You allow us to make, that You gave us the inspiration to create, is a miracle.

2.  Will the defibrillator hurt when it goes off?

Answer: You’d better believe it! Had he been standing, he would have been knocked down. According to Dad, he saw blue flame flashing behind his eyeballs! I’m so grateful Dad can find something to be lighthearted about right now. Sad he finally learned that it really does hurt, but really glad that thing worked!

3.  If something happens to my Dad, will he be able to get help in time?

Answer: So far, Yes. One big thing working in Dad’s favor tonight was that he had a friend over when everything went down, but all indications are that the system worked, even though Dad lives in the Middle of Nowhere. On to question 4…

4.  Is Lifeline – “Help, I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up!” – a big old hokey scam?

Answer: NO! It works! Lifeline got an ambulance out to my Dad, and then called me – 500 miles away – before he even made it to the emergency room! Lydia (or was it Irene?) was so nice and so helpful. She even called the dispatcher to find out where they were taking my Dad and then called me back to let me know exactly what was going on. Having a calm and friendly person to talk to in that moment of finding out Dad was in trouble was amazing. Thank God for Lifeline. By the time my Dad was able to call to tell me he was in the hospital, I had already called most of our “support line” – family and people from his church. He was so happy to learn that Lifeline had called me and that I knew what was going on. Did it scare me to death to get that call? Yes. But it was good to have help on the way for Dad, and good because I could be calm when I talked to him. I knew almost as much as he did by the time he was able to call me. Just imagine if he had been totally incapacitated.

All that being said, please keep my Dad in your prayers. His heart is very weak, and he’s had a hard time coping with the loss of my Mom.

Hugs,

J

I love food. Much to the detriment of my waist and my wallet. One grows, the other shrinks, somehow, I think they may be linked. Ha!

I like to photograph my food, especially when it is really gorgeous. So here, for your viewing pleasure, is a buffet of visual yumminess. Enjoy!

Osaka: Rainbow Maki and Sunrise Roll. I just love the jewel tones of the fish. Gorgeous.

6 oz. Outback Special, cooked the way God intended. Bloody.

Outback: Ahi Tuna

Osaka: Alaska Roll, Tuna, Yellowtail, Salmon, and yes, Eel.

Best. Breakfast. Ever. Some hotel restaurant in San Francisco.

Cafe Au Lait from Buckhead Books, Concourse C: ATL. Possibly the most beautiful coffee I have ever had.

Honeycrisp apples. My favorite.

Christmas Tamales at a cafe in Santa Fe. Amazing! And hot!

Sushi with friends in San Francisco. Rainbow Maki and probably a Yellowtail Roll.

Crab Shack: Destin, FL. Caesar Salad with seared tuna. The salad was almost as good as the view.

Pinkberry. Need I say more?